From the Mind of a Mean Girl

We’ve all been mean girl-ed. That specific girl or group of girls that for some reason are just out to make your life a living hell.

I was on the receiving end of being mean girl-ed a lot, however, I am ashamed to say that I have also been on the giving side. Now, my good old friend anxiety likes to visit me pretty often at night. Sometimes I lay awake and think about all the bad choices I made in my life. Recently, I laid awake at night thinking about exactly what it was that caused me to be the mean girl. In each case there was one constant, these girls had something I envied. They had something I wanted so bad but couldn’t have, and this made me bitter.

When I say they had things, this could mean a multitude of things. Sometimes it was a boy, a skill or talent, a mutual friend, or even just an attitude or confidence. In short, it was jealousy. Because I was jealous and unhappy with myself, I went out of my way to try to make others feel the same. It’s sad really. Sad that we as individuals feel that if we tear others down, that we can somehow build ourselves up. Not only is it sad, but its wrong.

The hardest part about writing this post is the absolute honesty I had to have with myself. We don’t want to think of ourselves as bad people, but sometimes being honest about the bad things we have done can be the most freeing experience. To those I have mean girl-ed in the past, I’m sorry. And to those who have mean girl-ed me, I forgive you. Jealous is a natural emotion, and younger me was uneducated in how to deal with it. I can only assume that the same is said for everyone else.

My resolution of this new year is to build more people up and try to work past my negative thoughts because positivity promotes positivity.

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